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Different Mentally

#VocalNPM

By Sekou SesayPublished 5 years ago 2 min read
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As the sun rises my heart beats extremely fast for it is another day I am unable to get out of the house.

As the sun rising up my mind gets darker as the mid night sky with no stars.

As the sun brightens up the world, my world feels no light.

Upon waken my body, mind and soul speak in different tongues.

My body feels no pleasure but only pain, the kind of pain only the Gods can explain. My soul feels lost in the world. My mind is wondering somewhere around the black hole, waiting for it’s turn to be suck into it.

The fear of leaving the house for I might go deep into one of my episodes.

The fear of the world looking at me different for I am seen as a being with a disease in the mind.

The fear of not being able to work.

The fear of ending up in the streets.

The fear that I might not have kids in the future.

Fear

Fear

Fear

Fear has taken over my world.

Every step I take outside my body feels cold as winter nights, inside me feels like pinching of hundred needles.

Sometimes I ask myself is it worth living for I do not understand what is happening to me. I feel unless like the world is moving forward. I am stuck between the past and future.

The world calls me crazy, lazy, unmotivated and weak. But am I really weak?

World feels scared around me; deep inside I am the one who’s afraid of the world.

Day and night, sunrise to sunset my mind is in different state for I am not crazy, I am waking up to my true-self.

Lost in my imagination

Lost in the worlds idea of perfect.

Lost. Lost. Lost

Lost in the sadness, hopeless and I am not good enough for this world.

Hard to get up to brush my teeth, comb my hair, take a bath & or maybe go outside for a walk. In my mind the window to freedom is fading away in the darkness.

Simplest turn into the hardest, the hardest seem out of the world.

People around judge me, laugh at me , mock me and call me nasty names. I Keep my head down because they do not understand my world.

A fool will always be a fool, unless if the fool is willing to understand and learn rather than retaliation and mockery.

See I am not lost in the worlds view of me. I am lost in my own view of the word. Everyday is a battle to understand the nature of my mind.

So say to the world let me be for I am just trying to find myself. I am not crazy. I am just waking up. For one day my head will raise up as high as the heavens.

- Sekou Sesay

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About the Creator

Sekou Sesay

Lost in the world of words

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