Depression

depression is not fun

not fun for anyone

it holds you back,

keeps you from being you

it brings you down

makes you feel small,

weak,

and uneasy

some overcome it

some give up

i want to overcome it

but it is so hard not to give up

they tell me the days will get better,

but what if they don't?

it will all be useless

all the fighting,

all the hope

they say we create our own destiny,

but who truly wants to be unhappy?

i don't think i control my own destiny,

because if i did,

i would choose to be happy.

depression is not something that i ever asked for. my brain and my mind are screwed up and i cannot help but to be sad. it is not my fault i feel the way i feel. you cannot help feelings. i feel as if i will never truly be happy, because i don't know how to be happy.

i am starting over. i am starting a new life. no more old me—goodbye you filthy fool. maybe now i can be happy. my first step is to repent for my sins, and maybe after this i will start believing that a God is here for me. maybe i will start believing that i can rise above all the obstacles and the odds put against me.

i hope the same for everyone else. we are all in our different positions, and we all go trough the different motions of depression. but we all share one thing in common—our fear of losing against depression. we will all find our peace.

this poem was written over a year ago on May 11th, 2017 at 10:57 pm. i have not felt the same way since September of that year. i had battled through depression for going on four years, and i have almost beat it. you will too. have faith my friends.