Definition of Me (Part 3)

Currently living the quarter-life crisis,

Yet at a point of enjoyment

In it.

That is my definition.

Slowly learning to go with the flow,

While looking into my own darkness.

I’ve somehow found peace with this.

That is my Definition.

My journey has been chaotic,

I was trapped in a mind

Filled with hate for me.

For so many years,

I carried so much

Hate, Pain, and Anger with me.

I hated the world and wanted to watch it burn,

I didn’t feel accepted,

I didn’t accept myself.

That was my definition…

My shoulders broad,

Ready for challenges

On this path.

I’m slowly starting to see,

The man from my dreams

When I looked into the mirror.

When I was a kid,

When I was a kid…

So many things happened back then,

I was young, dumb, nervous, anxious,

My innocence was taken

Survival instincts kicked in.

My family later is broken,

My world slowly coming to an end.

Back then I never understood,

The importance of that part of my childhood.

Aneixty of separation stayed with me,

For thirteen years I’ve carried this unneeded,

Unneeded baggage.

My mind continues to open it.

I feel lost I don’t feel like myself,

I got this voicemail telling me I should off myself.

This definition is dark and scary,

I honestly wonder if I’ll survive.

I’m constantly stuck in some form of internal crisis,

I’m stuck in this definition of my past and present and future all merging into one.

I’m growing into the person I’m supposed to be but this path is for the treachery,

I hold to much guilt against myself.

I get in my own way too much, I hold myself down...

At times...

I have this little voice inside me that weighs me down,

I listen to it, and I fall into my hole.

I crave connection,

But I give myself isolation.

Because I think it’s what I deserve...

By definition,

As I think about my future...

I can admit I’m nervous and scared... but aren’t we all?

By definition,

I wanted this poem to be more positive and optimistic.

But instead, it represents my current state of mind.

Positive with bits of negative,

Optimistic with caution.

By definition,

I need to be more optimistic,

Positive. I need to not let the voice in my head weight me down.

But it does,

But it shouldn’t…