Deep

When I look in the mirror,

All I see is the word mistake written in ruby red lipstick from Sephora.

Because that’s what I feel that I am.

I cry myself to sleep three days out of the week because heart is not always sad.

Some times I’m happy,

Scared,

Or angry,

Just like everyone else.

Except my emotions are like the calm before the storm.

I feel emotions more intensely.

Because it is rare for me to be happy on a Monday morning.

I take that happiness and feel as much as I can feel before the demons take over again.

Depression is not a fad

It’s not a phase

Is not a trend or a fashion statement

It’s a chemical imbalance that I can not get rid of

I can barley tame.

Instead I welcome it.

Because if u can’t beat them,

Join them right?

Next to mistake is the word flaw written in blue

Not because it’s sad,

But because it’s true.

I feel that I’ll never be loved because of my skin

Or my lack of social skills.

How about my weight?

Would you take me one a date?

Should I lose a few pounds?

Because that’s what they say in the magazines right?

If you talk the talk and walk the walk and look a certain way, you are bound to get the man of your dreams.

But what if when you talk,

You stutter?

But what if when you walk,

You trip?

Am I still worthy of love?

It amazing how my brain tells me the same things as page 4 in Cosmopolitan.

The page labeled,

The way you’re supposed to be.

Paragraph three,

Line 9.

You’re doing you wrong.