Dear Depression

Dear depression,

You make me feel like I’m drowning,

Like I can’t get in a full breath.

You rip the air from my lungs,

And make it seem as though I will never be able to breathe again.

You claw your way into my head,

And constantly scratch,

Reminding me of how worthless I am,

Reminding me of how nobody would notice if I left.

You are often accompanied by anxiety, my long time friend.

Both of you attack my heart and mind,

One telling me I’m not smart enough to do anything,

The other screaming that I’m not going to matter anyway.

You depression,

Are my best friend.

You haven’t left me yet,

And you constantly say that you never will.

You are sometimes a raindrop on the ocean,

And other times you are the ocean itself.

Sometimes you are a small fish that swims by,

And other times you are a shark that’s just curious.

But instead of playing,

you drag me deeper into the water,

Deeper into the suffocating darkness.

You think it’s all fun and games,

But I’m buried in the suppressing weight of the water.

Subject only to your will,

Waiting until the second you let go and become small again.

Waiting until I rise to the surface,

Waiting until you pull me back under again.

You depression,

Are like a work of art.

I can obsess over every intricacy

Yet feel no progress or any sense to stop.

You depression,

Are the first thing that greets me in the morning.

You bring me a cup of coffee along with the daily discouragement.

You list all the things I won’t do that day.

And I’m not strong enough to fight you.

I can barely bring myself to wake up some mornings.

You steal all the light out of me as if you are a plant,

Starving for energy.

But you depression cannot control me.

I will not let you tell me what to do or how to feel anymore,

I will finally take a deep breath and force you out,

Out of my mind and out of my heart.

And this, this is a challenge to my depression,

This is a challenge to every person

Who has ever made me feel worthless,

A challenge for all the scars on my heart,

To tell their stories.

Dear depression,

Come at me with everything you have and I promise you,

I will come out on top.