Dear Depression

Dear Depression,

Here I am.

I’m here.

This is me.

And I can’t move.

I feel like I’m frozen,

Permanently hidden under the covers of my bed,

Silently crying for a way out of your clutches.

The sad part is that you hear me but don’t say a word.

Nice.

I feel like I’m being held hostage in my own home, By you,

A dark cloud hovering over my head.

And even when I go out I feel like a hollow version of myself,

Whoever that may be.

I’m always told to think of the positives,

But what positives are there when you’re

Surrounded by negatives.

Do two negatives make a positive?

I mean, that’s what mathematicians claim.

Maybe I should get into math.

People tell me that I should hang out with my friends more often but, honestly

I don’t want to.

I should want to, I know that.

I should enjoy this time while I have it.

Now that I think about it, I know that deep down I want to,

But you don’t.

You are the one that confines me to my room,

Telling me that you’re my only friend.

And I believe you.

I actually believe you.

I confide in you,

I tell you that I’m exhausted from trying to scrub you away,

Along with the other remnants of my past that won’t just wash off with some water.

And I tell you that I’m afraid of the unknown.

Which basically means I’m afraid of the future,

Which also means I’m afraid of the next second

And the next

And the next.

I tell you that the unknown is terrifying,

That you are terrifying.

But you just sit there with your friend, Anxiety, and laugh in my face!

And let me just tell you,

She isn’t helping anything either.

Everything happens for a reason.

Everything will be okay.

I can overcome any obstacle that stands in my way of enjoying this time on Earth.

Or at least that’s what they tell me in therapy.

You are my obstacle.

Stop body shaming me.

Stop ruining my relationships.

Stop keeping me behind a locked door and throwing away the key.

Stop telling me to keep my mouth shut when all I want to do is sing the song that is prying at my throat to be heard.

Stop!

I’m telling you this,

Demanding this now because I’m tired of being silent.

I refuse to let you control me,

To allow you to manipulate my happiness with your coarse hands.

I’m not going to let you walk all over me anymore.

I’m going to take control of my life.

I’ll start tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Me