Dear Dad Part 2

Dear Dad,

I've changed my mind,

I can't do it any longer.

I said I'd love you unconditionally,

but why should I when it's so obvious you gave up all those years ago?

You've hurt me too many times now daddy.

Why'd you inflict these wounds across my heart so coldly daddy?

What made you so angry?

Loose promises and false hope is all you've given me daddy.

You were the first man to break my heart.

Why don't you care anymore?

I tried so hard to be a good girl, to get the best grades and have the best behavior.

Why'd you spread so many rumours about me daddy?

You know I didn't do those things.

I've seen you do bad things daddy.

You would hurt mommy. Beat her black and blue.

Did the drugs do that to you daddy?

Did they make you mean daddy?

You hurt brother daddy. Bruises littered his neck.

You were so doped up that day daddy.

You don't even remember, do you daddy?

You say bad things daddy.

Taught me things I shouldn't have believed and made me think bad things too.

Why'd you make me grow up so fast daddy?

You messed me all up. I have a counselor now daddy.

You made me question the world daddy.

You caused my constant worry and suffering.

Trust issues and anxiety are my best friends now daddy.

I don't go anywhere without them.

I hate you daddy.

Do you see all the pain you awoke?

I can't do it anymore daddy.

Please be gone daddy.

Let me breathe again; I haven't in so long.

You've kept me in this immutable chokehold of dread.

I've had patience daddy,

But now you must go.

Let me be free now daddy.

Don't hold me back any longer.

Break these chains locked so tightly to my flesh and

be gone daddy.

Just be gone.

M.A.

**This was written the day that my father had passed away. I never got the chance to tell him that I love him or that I forgive him (I wasn't ready nor was I prepared.) I didn't know he was really very ill (he had lied to me my entire life about being sick and dying, so I decided to begin ignoring his texts about said issues.) I still blame and regret writing this to this very day (not that it has been very long, no it has only been about three months. I found out from a police officer banging on my door at around 11:30 at night on October 13th of 2017. I know...he really had to go out with a bang *eye roll* dying on Friday the 13th, a day with a huge stigma...) I miss my father very much. I find myself missing his voice and his face and hugs. I miss him so very much and I hope that you can tell your loved ones that you love them and forgive them/or that you are sorry before it is too late.

M.A.**