Dealing with a Dealer

The first time we’d meet, I was only 14 and you were slipping me drinks

of the cool high life, smoking vapor from school papers

I never turned in

I was an addict, but not to the drug

I was drunk on love cause I felt like I was enough for once

We were singing songs of forever and how we could always be together

and that things would only get better from here

we were standing like kings in our minds, leaving the community behind

You caught me in my search for an antidepressant that worked

cause open wounds no longer hurt, I was numb and dumb

So I self medicated behind a dark blanket

in your bedroom with no windows I committed murder of the mind

I inhaled Mary jane to exhale desire

had myself convinced that kissing you only brought me higher

The smoked clouded the line between love and lust by the hour

I was convinced we had made love in that bed but

you had only made a mess in my head and

you held me worried every night that you were dead

cause you were selling sugar packets and rock candy

known as crack and meth to any non-drugy

and it scared me to think that you are a dealer

how’d I ever let myself fall for concealed hurt

Mama always told me never to trust a man that hid in the shade

hood on, head down cause your eyes were too glazed

papa was the prime example of what happens to guys like you

I guess I just never thought through that your skin was so pale and you

were destined to go to jail, 20 years without bail, hell, I’d be home alone

fast forward to me, now 15, you’re still slippin me drinks

but now we are at a party and the drinks are roofied

you say you’re gonna leave me if I don’t let you use me, abuse me

tempted to reduce me to nothing, Im not sorry slip through your lips

and on to my loose leaf so I can preach to the people of how it came to be

You swore you weren’t smokin’ what you were sellin’

but you were chokin’ while I was tellin’ you to clean up the blood

the size of tokens from your lungs you were destroying

I was cryin’ to you “I can’t take it any longer” And I called your bluff

you said I was never enough, there were others givin’ you love

So I’m getting out now, I’m spitting rhymes doper than the smoke in your mouth

I’m droppin’ bombs like you do LSD

I’m going back to school to escape to the academy

While you’ll be cookin’ in jail for Methamphetamine

You swore you’d always love me, promised me road trips, acid trips,

but you were the only trip

I don’t think I ever deserved to be used by you

I don’t think anyone out there really do

So don’t worry, mama, cause If you do things right

you’re little baby will grow up strong to fight the beasts like him

that haunt the night

So promise me this and take my hand, when you’re dealing with a dealer

who is the real man? You, him, or the drug. Don’t ever think you can fix someone with just tough love, you ARE enough to find someone

Let me rap up this exposing the dumby

So just like you said to me, darling, I’m not sorry