Deadly Uptopia

heartbeat so fast so fast

too fast

lying in bed, creating, curating, manifesting dreams

imagining yourself in 5 years living in your apartment in New York City together looking over to them and seeing the skyscrapers behind you

but you open your eyes and you’re in your own home lying next to your stuffed animal and the safety of your blanket

you imagine the conversations and arguments you will never have

looking at other couples realizing that a couple is two and that

right now it’s a one-sided relationship living inside your head

that look they gave you today, it may just be a “look”

but to you

it was... breath-taking

it was the best thing that happened all day

your highlight

that’s okay because this person, is the best person

you can’t ever be mad at them

they seem to do no wrong

they are the perfect human being. period.

dropping everything and anything, moving things and shoving to spend time

your energy being pulled like a tug of war rope, revoked like spirits from the dead and driven out of your chakras

so that you can feel content with the state you are in with them

and the slightest bit of reality

excitement.

isn’t even the word to describe how you feel around them

a feeling an elation, a frenzy

giddy at the thought of seeing them

making decisions based on theirs

this relationship belongs in your head

it isn’t one for reality, it’s too delicate

delicate yet deadly

reality would destroy, crush it, then stomp on it

so you keep it in you’re head locked away in your heart

perhaps if turned into reality it would spoil your innocence

you can control every aspect, every turn and corner of the relationship this way, forming the best lullaby

nothing can harm the relationship if you keep it inside your head, right

locked up, kept safe, only retrieved or recovered by request

it never leaves your head it’s a

deadly utopia

thing is ...

it won’t go away