Dark Seams

As I confess my darkest sin,

I do not wish for another tomorrow my friend,

I’d rather die by my two hands,

Never to let this life begin again,

I rather not be saved nor seen as I survived,

There are many times where I found obscure honor because I know I’ve tried,

With the intentions only to spread love,

on my end it was not enough.

I am tired of fighting what I cannot defeat,

A darkness that covers and moves so discreet,

I can’t tell where I’m being taken as it guides my stumbling feet,

But I know at Heaven’s gates we will not meet,

For I am too damaged and unworthy for God to greet.

Here I am waiting,

Quiet in a cold seat,

Even if I wanted help,

It’s impossible for anyone to hear a silent scream,

My greatest regret to exist has always been me,

I’ve never looked in the mirror and admired what I’ve seen,

A hard pill to swallow

I agree,

To numb the pain I took thirty three.

Just when I think I’m free,

I feel an IV,

“Open your eyes Miss, c’mon stay with me,”

Tears start streaming because this is not what I feen,

The paramedic‘s words again intervene,

“Miss, I need you to breathe. It’s okay, just focus on me”

The ambulance rushes through every red light as if they’re green,

Hurrying to save a life that’s long been spiritually deceased.

Hours later I awaken,

The doctor asks, “Miss, how many pills have you taken?”

“None at all. I’ve just been stressed, you must be mistaken.”

After a few more questions he concedes and walks out the door to leave.

I look up and ask, what from me could you possibly need? How am I of use?

A nurse walks by and whispers “Matthew, verse fourteen of chapter twenty two

..it says he’s chosen you.”

But “why?” I reply, exhausted and ready to fall.

She replies, “Proverbs 19:21 should answer all.”