Traversing hills for signs of realization
Hoping that no day comes when there’s lack of conversation
Soft, soothing, gentle, and honest
Smiling and laughing, for you there’s no contest
The nights turn long into early morning days
From distance between us into a lack of space
Climb this hill with me
I’ve been praying and thinking and thinking my praying tonight is right, at least it feels right with this bottle of wine by my side, hoping the bottom of this bottle holds the last of the battles I’ll be fighting
The wine, as sweet as can be, drowns out the bitterness I believed was love, like a cupcake facade - and now you’re here and with every fiber in my being I smile with wine-stained daggers that will soon pierce through the layers of your heart
Climb this hill with me
Tears and pain, my god why can’t this feel like escape? This bottle bottom was supposed to release, supposed to repeat the joy we had, and now it has become relapse. The dagger is planted, the wound fresh, but somehow you knew this would be the end
My boy, don’t let this be... don’t let this be the reason why you can’t see
Why you can’t feel the love from another
Love from a mother
Love from your brothers who slyly knew just why this toxicity bloomed
And I know you’ll drown yourself in pack
After pack
After pack
After pack
To forget the fact that I stole back all that I gave you while keeping what you left for me
And I know this toxin ain’t soft, it ain’t soothing, it ain’t gentle, and its never been honest, but my boy, listen to me, don’t stop loving through simply because I forgot how to love you.
~
Loneliness kills the mental health; jealousy kills the emotional health; cigarettes kill the physical health. People keep talking and talking and telling me understanding heals the mental health, love heals the emotional health, and affection heals the physical health; I thought I refused to inject toxins into my body, whether mental, emotional, or physical
I wanted to bring about a spiritual purification that pulsed through my veins and purified my health, and here I was believing she was that anecdote - that she would devote - all of herself to me to make me clean
How could she be a toxin residing inside of me?
Ten feet forward followed by one retrospective thought that leads five miles in the opposite direction. Hardly noticeable, she has burrowed her way into the crevices of the darkest corners of my mind, and I can experience the moments over and over and over and over again of the shapes that she would trace on my back, laying on that blanket in that field, and it felt:
Soft
Soothing
Gentle
Honest
It’s the most difficult lifestyle to lead when moving forward is all you want yet looking back deceives you into believing that you are heading in the right direction all along. Progress is being made in your mind when memories and history are being replayed but your lone body sits in that dark corner, parched for growth and rejuvenation from the emotional drought you’ve dragged it through - it’s emotional procrastination
To move on is to grow but growth is difficult to feel when there are tendrils (from age old memories) suffocating you
As the prophet once said, “For I am ready to fall and my pain is ever before me.”
When it rains I feel better
Yet when it rains I feel worse
And when I start to get worse
I hope that I’ll feel better
About the Creator
Dominic Puccio
These stories, both mine and yours, represent my striving to empathize when my lack of experience stands in the way.
For I believe in the redeeming of our stories through the painting of pictures with thousands of words.
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