Crime of Insanity

Patience is a virtue, yet mine is a crime

I can't wait forever and continually throw away my time!

You are so perfect to me, yet I know you're not perfect at all,

But it's your perfect humanity that made me fall.

I am fully aware that time goes by and it never comes back,

All the times I've spent wondering "what did I lack?"

What special thing was missing in me, that little bit of magic so evident in you?

Was there a way to create the spark, was there anything I could ever say or do?

You're stubborn, I know, and you have made up your mind about me,

You can't be forced to look for something that you can't see.

Acknowledging perspective is a strange, dark and dangerous reality,

And my awareness of our different views has caused my plea to insanity!

That's what it is, isn't it? It's completely insane?

That I would care so much to allow my heart to break over and over again!

That I would choose to hold on when I know I need to let go already,

Utter madness that I would put my hope onto something so unsteady!

I know I'm losing and so many people ask why I still play this game,

"But it's all for love!" That's my claim.

Isn't love about what you give not what you gain?

Isn't love all about pushing through the pain?

Saying you'll stay and meaning it, wishing he would stay too.

Dreaming of him saying "there's nothing wrong with you."

My wish is that he loved me all along but needed to find himself first,

But my dreams are not reality and instead I feel cursed!

Cursed with the insanity of repeating my crime,

Of hoping that some day it'll change and all he needed was time.

- Chloe Scallan (2017)