Controlling the Mind
A Poem About Anxiety
Tremors, shaking, pattering
Wondering what could possibly be wrong?
As the sirens grew louder and louder
So did the thumping of heart
Faster and faster the helicopters were raging through the sky
What could possibly be wrong?
There is around 237 thoughts running through my mind and only one where I make it out alive.
My brain is like a fried circuit board trying to send signals telling me everything is going to be okay
But it’s too late
It’s already started and has taken over.
As if it were a virus you I couldn’t remove.
It came to the point where I couldn’t even sleep for days upon days.
Sleepless nights turned into weeks,
Weeks had turned into months.
How am I supposed to live?
When there’s thoughts of my OCD in my mind,
loneliness in my heart,
And worry in my soul.
Even the people around me think this is all a joke,
I wish this was just all a joke.
It’s even crazier to realize the very soul people that were meant to protect you and aid you into life are the cause of these problems.
Maybe it’s the constant jokes and remarks that you think are funny,
Well I’m sleeping with a knife under my pillow is that funny?
Because you think one day, one day a man is going to crawl through your window and end it all.
End everything I’ve tried to do
I don’t want to die
I want to walk down a dark hallway with no worry on my mind that something is going to happen.
I want to think that when I turn the lights off I’m still going to be safe
I want to think that being alone doesn’t last forever
I want to think that one day people aren’t going to think that a pill can change the way a person thinks
I want to think that one day I live a life of no worry but freedom to what I please
I want to think that I can finally move on from a past that has held me back for so long
I just want to think that anxiety is just another joke
I want to think...but I can’t because once I start thinking.
I can’t stop.
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