Contemplated

If you only knew the pain I went through to get where I am today.

The countless times I’ve contemplated suicide.

Would you still be by my side?

It’s truly surprising that I’m still alive.

There has even been times I cheated death.

Yet I have countless blessings that are just too hard to miss.

Demons constantly try to prevail to cast me down.

I’m not the hideous beast that some perceive me to be.

I feel like a torn down unlovable broken mess.

The unseen wounds and scars from the battles I faced are too many to count.

Each and every day I fake a smile and pretend that everything is alright.

What you don’t know is that I’m slowly dying inside with each passing moment.

Afraid to let anyone near my tattered, damaged soul.

So use to the darkness that I don’t think I can handle the light.

In all honesty, it wouldn’t surprise me if you leave.

I’m at the point where I have accepted myself as my own best friend.