Condemned to Life

You think this is easy for me?

The week I found out, I cried

For days at a time, I lied

To everyone, said I'm fine,

But inside, a part of me died.

You think this is easy for me?

My parents are already ashamed

That I didn't live up to their name

Or their expectations they've been laying

Down for me since I became grown.

You think this is easy for me?

I make less than 20,000 a year

I go to college part-time,

At nights, I serve beer

I don't have the time or money,

To a be a mother, I fear

That'd I lose my job

And be homeless with my baby, in tears.

You think this is easy for me?

I made one stupid mistake one fateful night

He was saying everything right

I followed him home

Forgot my birth control

Now I'm on the commode

Weeping as the test shows two lines.

You think this is easy for me?

Are you telling me you don't make mistakes?

I must have a made a mistake,

Thinking you were a human like me

Prone to accidents, follies, and errors like me

But I guess you're just too holy

To understand my conflictions

To get over your convictions

And to empathize with me.

You think this is easy for me?

I made the appointment with shaking hand

My voice broke as I told my doctor when

I conceived and she made sure I understand

That there's no turning back.

She asks if I thought about adoption

If only it was that simple, no question

But how will I pay for the prenatal arrangements

If I can barely make it to the weekends.

You think this is easy for me?

I considered my options at length

Thinking about keeping it, raising it

Naming it, loving it,

But at the same time condemning it to a life

Of poverty and fights with the government.

You think this is easy for me?

I know some women have had troubles

Troubles with miscarriage, troubles with conceiving

But I can't solve their problems, I'm only me

And this is my choice, it shouldn't be up to those

Ones who claim a book knows better than me

About my body, about my femininity, about my identity.

You think this is easy for me?

Afterwards, I went home and cried long into the night.

I didn't tell my family, because I know they might

Try to force me to repent or just cut off all ties,

Because I got an abortion, because it's within my rights.

You think this is easy for me?

I don't care about your beliefs

If I'm honest, I'm so tired of them,

You won't see me for me.

You see a murderer

You see a whore

But I'm just a woman

Who wants her life to be hers.