Colors

I have come to realize in the deep greys of my room what I have become.

In those navy blue curtains and charcoal corners I have realized that I am not the monster that my mind's come to make me believe I am.

I am more than just canary yellow highs and Russian Violet lows.

I am more than glacier blues glares and scarlet red empathy.

I am more than the salmon blush of my cheeks as the pretty person compliments my russet brown eyes.

I am more than cornflower blue veins that crawls up my ivory arm into my carmine heart.

I am more than the baby blue dress and the ink black heels that lay in my closet and make men question where their youth has gone.

I am more than the sunflower curls of my hair that flow through the wind.

I am though the crimson that I paint my lips with as I carry myself into the store and past lusting gazes.

I am the mint of my fingertips as I scroll the isles of manilla yellowed pages to learn cyan knowledge.

I am the honey of my iris as I let my emotions free and let people know of my burnt orange hurt.

I am the bottle glass green of my soul as it pours into everything I believe. Because I have very few faded grey beliefs as I have been raised by people with red hot ideals.

I am the bubblegum pink of my favorite socks on days I remember the days of dance and yellow green fading bruises.

And during days of battleship grey storms I start to think of things I'd like to become.

I would like to be the stable,serious beige of the suit I saw in the serious business store.

I would like to be the kind lilac of kindergarten teachers shirts.

I would like to be strong as the gunmetal fingernail polish on the punk's hand.

I would like to be as loved as the yellow of a McDonald's sign. Which is asking alot I know but I need that beautiful bright pink validation.

But as I lay here and stare at the deep greys of my room. I just remember.

I remember the dark Byzantium of the ghost I try to forget.

I remember the deep mahogany pain in which only my bones wish to remember.

I remember cringy electric green moments I tried to stand out but only pushed myself farther from the world.

I remember the solemn Jade of the nights I've stayed up to watch the black turn to grey to orange.

I remember the lavender love I had for myself, for others.

And in those terrifying deep greys I sit up and wonder

Just what color am I?