If the outdoors
wasn't as cold
as my heart,
And if I could feel the sun's warmth
on my forehead,
Instead of this
gut-wrenching sadness;
I would open the door
and take a step forward,
Letting the madness
flow
beyond the gates,
Letting go of the emptiness
And instead fill myself with
the orange-y glow
of summer sunsets
And the bright,
pink
flourishing
of flowers and fruits.
The grey
of this winter sky
And the white lines
on the grey sidewalk
And the black gravel
and the white salt
And the anger
building inside me;
Anger.
I hate grey.
Grey is when
you don't know how to feel
Or why...
I feel so cold inside
Just like outside.
And
the black asphalt
And
grey steel bars
And
white smoke,
It's all
hardening me,
And
surrounding me,
And
making everything so...
foggy.
It's lonely here,
behind the fog
And I can't.
Simply cannot
seem to clear it.
I yearn to roam
outside.
Into the woods
Or
Along the beach
Or
Into the darkness
And
scream to the treetops
And
cry by the ocean
And
hide in the shadows.
But it's so
damn
cold...
I'm longing for the solitude
of the forest
The tree top canopies,
The birds.
My bird.
A hummingbird,
He finds me
And softly whispers in my ear,
"I'm here"
And
ruffling of leaves,
And
A beautiful red leaf
settles on my shoe.
The swill of a brook,
Babbling,
Bubbling,
And
Almost singing to me.
A song that only I can hear.
Loneliness.
But,
in the most perfect way.
And then,
between the trees
there is a ray of golden light...
I dream often
of escaping to the islands;
The blue-green waves
that meet the sky
only to kiss
at sunset
Waves that coat the sand
And the sand too,
warm beneath my feet
Pink dotted bikinis
and orange adult drinks
and a pineapple on the rim
and the smell of coconuts melting
and my neon sunglasses
And the sky is so blue
And my face is so hot
The breeze starts up
tickles my neck,
It's gone already
but that's okay.
I can take the heat.
I wait for this all year.
The cry of a seagull
Waves crashing
Crashing.
Crashing.
Almost singing to me.
A song that only I can hear.
(The waves and I both
are ruled by the moon
And I too,
often crash
Into myself
Into the world).
I spot the palm trees
Only my second favorite
to the great Willow,
They shake
and dance
with the brief gusts of wind
and then stop
Stop.
And then,
between the trees
there is a ray of golden light...
I'm often seek the vastness
of the dark.
To turn the lights out
and run
into the wild,
blindfolded
and vulnerable
The adrenaline rush.
Adventure.
Quiet.
It is then I am guided
by my faith
I can't see...
My feelings though,
Are amplified.
My own heartbeat.
Heartbeat.
Heartbeat.
Heartbeat.
Breaths
running
one into another
Running.
How long have I been here?
I hear the train,
I love the train.
It's beautiful.
Almost singing to me,
A song that only I can hear.
Memories.
flooding back to me all at once.
Nostalgia.
In the most perfect way.
And then,
from under the door,
From between the cracks,
From the end of the tunnel,
There is a ray of golden light...
Hope
And you kiss my forehead.
Radiating warmth.
And now there is a pink glow
And I can feel its vibrancy.
It's amazing,
This love.
Faith.
Emotions running through my veins
And now,
there is a calmness
And now,
the fog lifts.
And now,
Peace.
Abundant peace.
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