Codependency

I hate you but I need you.

Though I wish that I didn't.

I wish more than anything

that I wanted you less.

I've tried to create distance in our relationship.

Though every time I go to leave

you pull me closer.

Whispering into my ear your carefully spun lies.

I will soothe your suffering.

I will ease your pain.

You caress my body

Filling me with warmth.

Making me feel whole.

Even if the feeling only lasts a moment

while you hold me close.

The hardest part to admit is that I believed you.

I honestly believed that you could help me.

You made me believe that you would be there

to hold my hand through these trying times

and to ease the crushing sense of emptiness

I feel in my soul.

You lied to me.

You've caused me more suffering than I experienced

at the beginning of our relationship.

You insidious demon, you entered my life disguised as an angel

who brought out the best in me.

Made me laugh.

Made me happy.

But our relationship has soured.

I hate looking in mirrors

and having to face what I've become.

I trusted you and look at what you've done.

I never thought that things would end up this way.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry this is what I've become.

I never thought it would be me.

I would have never guessed

that you would get the best of me.

As I pour myself another shot

I realize that I am no longer

the one in control.

One day I will break free of this codependency.

But until then

I will remain entangled in your grasp.

And I hate myself for it.