Close the Curtain

My empty words slip off my tongue but are cramped back in for the fear you don't want to hear my opinion.

my eyes wander the crowded room for someone almost as lonely as me

but my attention is always caught by the ones i wish to be.

mirrors of my reflection cause my head to bow in shame

but the person in the mirror is the only one to blame.

judgment is cast upon me

i'm a coward as i know.

the only thing that could bring me joy

is still left in the unknown.

You see, They tell me i am pretty

that i have more than i could ask

but if they truly saw the scars that hide behind this mask.

there opinions would change to something that my mind believes is true,

because why take the compliment when you strip your self confidence down

leaving you vulnerable and numb.

having beauty is seen as if you have a perfect life.

having a great personality makes you appear like you know where you're going.

but what if i told you it's all an act.

that I've been putting on a performance since 7th grade and in some twisted way you're all part of it.

the producer is my anxiety

while the director is my depression

all i am is the sweet little puppeteer listening to the ways of my mental problems

rehearsal after rehearsal

from dusk to dawn

the voices in my head never shut up

don't let them know you're in pain kendall

don't let them see your scars kendall

Don't let them know you hate yourself

don't let them know you're struggling

don't let them know living is hard

because living is hard

waking up in the morning and just laying back down because you're trapped in the covers that most of the time feel so far away

looking in the mirror and realizing there isn't enough makeup in the world to hide the flaws i so desperately wish would disappear.

coming to school and seeing all the people i honestly couldn't care less about seeing

the trembling of my hand promptly evident for the fear of messing up

the voices in my head not giving up, screaming at me the same words i now have wired in my head

i might as well write them across my body

so the oblivious people can finally see i'm hurt

don't let them know you're in pain kendall

don't let them see your scars kendall

don't let them know you hate yourself

don't let them know you're struggling

don't let them know living is hard

because it's so hard

i walked into that audition not knowing the script at all

the producer and director told me i was perfect for the call

but all this stupid play has done is show me how to fall

the producer is my anxiety

and the director is my depression

they keep me at work

from session to session

but the days come to an end

and i'm left all alone

with my one sane thought

that tells me

it's time to end the show.