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Childhood.

I pushed through.

By Tammy allisonPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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I'll never truly understand where my childhood went.

The warmth and laughter never seemed to exist.

The constant craving for normality was something that couldn't be escaped.

Tears and sadness filled my hollow body and slowly pumped through my fragile veins.

Anger, was an emotion that I couldn't ever rid myself of.

Looking around at other children my age. Laughing, playing just being alive.

I always knew that would never happen in a life like mine.

Alone and quiet was how many days were spent. Anxiety and depression slowly crept.

I've made the perfect mask, the kind that'll prevent people from knowing my past.

Everything is normal now. At least that's what I've made people think.

Although, my brain will tell a completely different story.

The story with the sad child who got what she didn't deserve at four years old.

Years upon years, of endless betrayal. Pain that wasn't only physical but mental.

A person whom she'd trust with her life, did everything she had a feeling wasn't right.

Taken advantage of because she didn't know, until the days turned to years then she finally was told.

Certain touching isn't aloud, if you're experiencing something like that then speak out.

Teachers made efforts to make sure kids were safe and talked about all forms of abuse that happen day to day.

She went home after school, cried her eyes out and felt like a fool. Why her? What has she done?

She confronted him with boughts of rage, screamed on the top of her lungs and begged.

"Please, no more!" But silence pursued.

Nobody can hear her, not even him. Even though the walls were paper thin.

He looked at her with an empty look. Almost like she didn't exist. Kept on going without a care in the world.

Her mind shuts down, and try's to erase the feelings she felt and the look of his face.

She just wanted to live a happy life, one filled with people who loved her right.

Again and again she attempted to stop this man. But every time she would, she'd meet his hand.

He yelled and hit her and told her to shut up, because nobody will ever give a f*ck.

He made her feel small, he made her truly believe that no one would save her from her misery.

Chances arose for her to speak, but constant reminders from him always creeped.

He was all she thought she had, she didn't want to live life without both a mom and dad.

Beat and uncared. She always sat with a blank stare.

She always wondered when life would improve and when she didn't only have to escape in school.

When is she able to come home and feel safe and not so unknown.

It took years, but here she is now.

A woman with a past so profound.

Many symptoms followed her through, this big secret weighed on her too.

Until I finally spoke out, I'm not letting this define my life anymore.

All the bad experiences can exit through that door.

I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor. Whether you believe me or not, I fought for myself and pushed on through. Even when I had nobody to turn too.

Life is something you can control, don't ever let someone make you feel so alone.

Speak out, reach out. Make it known, because you'll never know who's life is like your own.

sad poetry
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