Charcoal

When you pick up the Styrofoam cup

Full to the brim with 2 measured cups

Of pure drinkable medical grade charcoal

The entire emergency department holds their breath

Right now

I get to decide if I stay alive on my own terms

Or refuse medical treatment and let the Luvox

Take me on a fast track path to the afterlife

I raise the cup

And take my first swig

Nearly choking on the chalky texture

And you can hear them

Let go a collective breath of relief

Slumped shoulders find their place high on the back

Hearts return to their normal rhythm

The legs stop bouncing from anxiety

They will not lose me tonight

They will have done their jobs

They will have extended my life

For tonight

When I come back in 2 weeks or 2 years

They will hold their breath just the same

And hold my hand

As I choke down every drip of that charcoal