Changes

Most of the time, i miss her, i dream of her

Her innocence, the purity, and yet still so naive

i remember

When her focus was driven wildly only brought forth by her determination that was fierce

She never strayed down the wrong path except when she did, but

Let's focus

I loved the way human nature defied her but with interest

So effulgent, her intelligence beyond her years but,

Not in the way you would think

She walked with confidence yet held her head low even despite the negativity that tried so greatly to grasp her attention

The way she drew herself out of the world and no one noticed

No one seeing

I SAW!

That smile on her face when she did so, the pleasure she endured erasing herself from cruel reality

I stopped, yes, i stopped loving her

i lost interest and began to wonder

"If she was not everyone else, who was she?"

Yes, my need for something fresh was ravishing, i strayed

but before i was completely gone, she grabbed me

i watched someone new sprout out of her, she changed

just to grab my attention, she created a persona

of the people she despised, the ones that spoke the same

and crawled the earth like clones

And BAM! she became one of them

Just for me! I gained interest once again and

She was what she acted

The way she spoke as if she was repeating what she just heard

No more purity, no, that was wiped clean

She had fun pretending to be one of them

And i was so indulged in her carelessness that

I didn't stop her before she became what she hated most

i sat and watched with a smile as she destroyed herself, trying

to keep my attention

She couldn't go back to her old self, she didn't know how

Neither did i

I should've stopped her then but now

i lost control

i didn't recognize what i saw anymore

and again, i no longer loved her

i hated her, i loathed her attitude toward me

Distant, lost, confused, angry

Though she still kept me whole, even after the change

She kept me full, filled me with hatred every time i saw her

and now

She has the smile this time

That was it, she needed to come back

I tried

killing her, drowning her in mistakable sorrows but

SHE LIVED! even stronger now

She's pushing me out and taking over

How did i do this to myself?

What have i become?