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Can I Just Be Me?

A Poem

By Abbey PPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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Can I just be me?

Am I allowed?

Why do I have to act and look a certain way?

Why am I not good enough for you or anyone?

What did I do?

I want to act and dress the way I want.

"I tell my story, no one else" is what I want to say but I can't because I'm not in the right level in the popular building to say so.

My role is to be quiet and take the fire and pretend I'm not hurt. If I show pain, they'll make it hotter and bigger... hell even if don't show pain they will.

Do I apologize?

Do I tell them they're right?

"I'm sorry I'm me," I say. "I'm sorry I do this and look like this," I say. "I look better than you today? Oh, I'm sorry it won't happen again," I say.

THEY HAVE THE POWER THE PRETTY, RICH, POPULAR.

See me on the streets, mall, movies, shops "oh, how are you?" Like nothing is wrong!

Sure we can "hang out" if that makes you happy.

"No, thank you... that's not an option? Oh, okay, I guess I'll just take it unwantingly and have panic attacks all the time, nightmares, depression, disgust at myself when I look in the mirror, scars, spend hundreds of dollars on therapy, and have fear for life so you can be happy and move on to the next girl."

Then you point me out in the crowd, showing me to a friend. Not a surprise I get a text from him.

My anxiety is too much my no echoes but no ones hears it.

The girls at school hoe around yet they can't fucking accept rape is not my fault and I didn't want it. It doesn't happen to them because the guy who raped me is her boyfriend.

She is too pretty to get raped, she is too perfect... I listen to what they say and I am too weak to not give in.

You want me gone since I'm a waste of space?

Worthless?

Ugly?

Unwanted?

Okay, if that makes you happy I'll go...

Bye.

sad poetry
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