Broken

even after you’ve broken me

you’re still dropping me

you let me fall with no intention of ever catching me

adoration

i love you,

too great for what we felt,

so we made it our own.

i adore you

we said it fit us perfectly

but it never could

not with how we blew like flames in the wind towards each other.

a simple phrase meant so much but to throw it all away was never the plan.

the mere idea of of ending it all keeps me up at night.

but if that’s what you need i’d sacrifice myself to keep you happy

i won’t let you know,

i’ll suffer in silence as long as you’re happy then silent i will be.

toxic right?

it seems that those who decide that they’re toxic never consider what someone else could be immune to.

a year in a world of poison makes one consider what it would be if we stopped calling it poison.

venom is only venom if we let it hurt us.

but you’re still too toxic right?

footprints

my soul is covered in footprints

left by those i’ve loved

they left a lasting impact

even though it’s tough

it’s truly hard to swallow

that everyone you meet

is someone who was destined

just to up and leave

cracks in my armor

i try to put up a wall

no one knows i’m breaking

i talk, i laugh, i smile

but inside i’m building,

preparing for any other attack

i let my walls crumble around you

and yet it wasn’t enough

a broken heart

projected through too many smiles

a laugh just a touch too forced

a voice not as loud

yet through all the silly projections

my mind still knows

it breaks through when i’m at my weakest

let’s me dream of loving you

and you loving me

it breaks me every morning

and tries its hardest to heal me every night

i’ll never say anything to you again

because that’s what you wanted

that’s what you wanted when you broke my heart

“i want to be left alone”

i say that to my heart

to my mind

i want to be left alone too

i just don’t know how to be alone when all i wanted was to love you

seasons

seasons change

like feelings do

an' i love you

to a different tune

maybe we went too fast

maybe we weren’t meant at all

but maybe, just maybe you didn’t even fall

i know you said you did

but how could you turn it off so easily

so suddenly

how could you become my worst fear in minutes

how did you fall out of love

with what made you fall in

maybe i'll never understand

but someday

i hope you realize why your seasons change so easily

deceit

loving you

was an ocean of thorns

covered in silky satin

so pretty

until you dive in

emerging from satin covered in thorns

but you’re apathetic

and who cares who gets hurt

as long as you make it to the roses in the sky

glimmer of hope

tears ensue

because everytime i talk to you

another glimmer of hope brightens through my cracked walls

after all this time i still believe that one day it could be me

i don’t dare let you know

every spoken, typed, written word is a letter to you

hoping one day you could see all the love in my heart

reserved just for you

despite every heartbreak you’ve put me through

vanishing

someone once told me

“friends are like stars, you can’t always see them, but you know they are there”

i made that my inspiration

until even the stars began to vanish

sad poetry

when all you write is sad poetry

when you used to write with imagination and joy

you begin to lose hope that your words will ever become happy again

rainbows of colors turn to grey

all you can wish for is that one day, color will return

and your sad heart will write bright fairytales once again

only one

some people think you can only have one soulmate

i disagree

i believe they’re everywhere

footprints left on your soul

by those you were meant to meet

but were never meant to stay

an almost fling

you’ve hurt me so bad i can’t even write about it

why did i allow this to happen again

is it because i love you?

please don’t hurt me again.

what was real to you,

was it always planned to be a sometimes thing,

an almost fling?

ruined

when something good comes around others just can’t wait to ruin it, can they?

you think you’re finally happy

you’ve found something to make you smile

in a flash, it’s gone, left in its place a ghost of a smile

you don’t know if there’s any use in being mad

there’s no more anger left inside your heart

you’ve lost it all, along with your pride

laughter fades, smiles fall

there was no time to savor it all

salt in my sugar won’t make your any sweeter

but you throw it in anyway

i’ve become who i’ve never wanted to be

this new side of me, out for other people to see

you’d think, after a few years the surprise, the pain

would wear away, that i wouldn’t be shocked when someone breaks me down to nothing

but i’m still surprised

it blows my mind, that someone would ruin another persons happiness

for nothing more than satisfaction

it’s all i can do

i’m watching,

waiting,

smiling in the background.

it’s all i can do to kee from falling apart

a simple smile,

a casual wave,

a gesture towards a pretty face

it’s all i can do

to stay in a corner

waiting for the right time

stalling until i find the perfect line

words carefully chosen

every conversation planned

it’s all in my head

but it’s all i can do

i t s a l l i c a n d o

butistayquiet

laughing at jokes that aren’t funny

letting it go when someone doesn’t understand

brushing it off as “tired” when i’m asked

“why don’t you talk much?”

i don’t need to talk to hear MY voice

i’m always listening

watching

waiting fo the right time

to let you know what i’m thinking

but i’d rather keep it all inside

and let YOU talk

because it’s all i can do to make you feel heard

it’s all i can do