Broken

I am broken, I can not feel

Right behind this steering wheel.

My mind is bleeding, thoughts of you

I don’t know what I am going to do.

A big part of me has been ripped away,

I will never recover, never again be “Okay,”

Every day I think of you as I grow to the end of adolescence

Here goes my morning dose of anti-depressants.

I think I’ll drive, into this wall

It’s made of brick, stands twelve feet tall,

I’m gonna die, you said to me

Tears fill my eyes, I can not see.

I went into your room that night

To make up from our only fight.

I saw the bed sheets, no longer white, but red, soaked

I tried to scream, but I only choked.

If you are dying, I am too,

Screw this shit we’ve been through,

This is the worst day I’ve ever had.

I can’t believe I’m losing you, Dad.

I wanted to tell you “I’m sorry,” but then

Your heartbeat stopped, at 3am.

I think, as I spot the clock on the shelf,

I could always overdose, or hang myself.

I look into the mirror

I see you looking back, your features have never been clearer

You are the other half of me,

My half of 46, now just 23.

I wish I could take back the things I said,

I wish I told you I love you, and I didn’t want you dead,

I found the box of undelivered letters under your bed

From my mistakes, my anger has fed.

It’s been five years since that night.

I’m still not winning the recovery fight

I long for the day, we meet again,

Knowing what I lost causes me pain.

I close your eyes for you, my dear.

Now you’re ridden of your fears,

And as I blow your face a kiss

I swallow a bullet; it’s come to this…