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Bro, She's Gone...

I miss her, too...

#listen... (read)

And take the time to see...
that I'm bleeding she meant something, if not more, to me.
I mean... just because you didn't see... me,
right up front, with all these ghetto g's...
Doesn't mean I never rolled for her... (and I'm just some cunt... see?)

Dude! I knew her longer than you, bee

So stay there and disrespect me...
I've always been a friend, to you... even when you'd often forgotten me...
Left me to rot.
I thought we were friends enough for me to be real with you, without judgement... but I guess not.

I heard your cries... dried a tear, put up with your shit-heap moods, and fucked up behaviour for like... what now? I believe two or so years
but,
hey... what's time anyway?
only a valuable fucking commodity... that I wasted away...
and I straight up pissed it away.

Thinking it made sense to... 'be there for you.'
Yea... it started out, as fucking, but it actually meant something to me, at one point too...
Yea I'm a bit of a player, it's true.
Although, some might call it Polyamory too...
or a slut, heart-breaker, tramp or a slew...
I never wanted to be your girl, I mean let's be real, boo...
I was NEVER the one for you.
Nor was I trying to say any 'I love you's...'

I just needed to come, and fulfill, my needs...
because whoever-the-fuck I was seeing at that time, wasn't doing it for me...
Like who-in-the-fuck can see their man, partner or 'wifey...' or any human being...
like, every two, to 52, weeks (know what  I mean?)
So, there you were, despite my bullshit personal life.
I know... it's fucked up...
because I already have too many people I'm in love with in my life...
At one point, I was certain I'd be "Lips" wife, but...

But I'm not the girl... I live the free life...
It'd be unfair, to put you in this world of mine...
I mean it's like a roll-a-coaster and the movie, Saw, inside my mind.
You don't have what it takes, to be with someone... of my kind.
So let it alone,
I'm pretty sure you already found some next bitch you can bone...
And honestly, I'm aware, I'm not answering my phone.

Because frankly, you never call...
And I want to be left the fuck alone.
So stay busy, or working, or needy... I don't care
Cause I'm already gone...
In fact, I was never really... there.
So... I dunno
leave this alone... and move on...
It is what it is...

Pretty sure the other two, will be pissed when they read this,
but, it's the reality of this situation,
and to be honest, I don't owe either of them an explanation.
Because I'm my own woman...
And their idea of love for me...
Is right up there with imagination.
So moving on...

Like I said,
I never meant to disrespect the dead by
getting too close...
But I loved her and thought I could reach her through you, I dunno.
Who the fuck ever thought a one-night-stand would lead to you getting too close...
to me, and... this... and you catching feelings... even though we all know for a fact, that it's her that you'll always love the most... I have a feeling, asking me if,

"friendship" is that all this is? I mean all the insane sex we've had... are you serious?"

Yea, I am.
I know when it comes, to hearts... I'm the "Son of Sam."

See... I've learned a few relationships, and one-night stands ago,
that if when you love someone you let them go...
Keep a fair distance... so yea, there was a lot of resistance...
It's true, so what? I've done the same shit to Mitch and Kyle too,
so...
maybe it's a habit...
maybe, I like... fucking like rabbits... (or maybe its true)
That I can't get close to anyone... least of all you...

because I don't want it like that.
I love who you are but can never be in love with you...
I mean realistically... what do I have with you?
A couple great nights and stuffed crust pizza,
Yea, ok the Champagne on my body while you drank if off...
The figure four you put me in when you always succeeded in soaking my soul out my pussy just to get me off...
Yea, it was hype!
But deep down inside... I'm not your type... and at the end of the day without feelings, it just doesn't feel right.
Because, much like you, I haven't let her go... or Mitch,'Carinosa,' or Kyle too, and I got way more history, with these n*ggas, than I do you...

So... now, does it make sense? Why I never took anything seriously,
and, why, to you, I might not have seemed like I was into you, even though you were into me?

So hate me... if it works for you, I mean if I really wanted to hurt you there are so many ways I could have done that, boo... not being rude... just speaking the truth. I could have told you about all the shit that happened (before you)... about Detour and Sypher and the parties we had without you. Baby do what you have to do.

Just chalk it up to this is how I show my respect...
Or lack thereof, no matter how awkward it might seem to you... earned my adoration... without effort, and shit.
And there's probably three or more people who hate you for it.
So, keep your distance if you feel that's what's best for you. Quit.
To be honest I was never really that into you... even though you're gorgeous...
I am a different being inside, a head fuck, seemingly a chick determined to drive you crazy (and make you doubt yourself)
and I know this.

And I'll probably never change.
See... it was being hurt, by so many people, back in the days... who made me Inure... and forged me this way.
I mean a legit list...

Aw, shit that probably didn't help much...
and you're probably still pissed,
but that's the thing dude...
I'm not here to live for... or impress you. I was here for a moment to show the truth that even though you post,

"love you forever... meet you in heaven when we'll be together".

understand you still fucked her best friend...
Repeatedly... LOL!
So keep playing the 'loyalty' card, friend.

But I don't judge you... it is what it is... and I'll probably never call you,
but..take care of yourself, say "hey" to your mom... and your bro, too. And your cats who, when I'm at your house, are always stealth, meowing, and being shitheads, too. I'm gonna miss the flicks, even the quick fix, but...

I wish you good health.
and a happy memory with
a happy song...
and realize that even though you love her technically you've already moved on...

So I mean, like... Come to grips with the fact that... she's not here anymore, Frost. She's gone...

©️Inure Muse (1.30.2019)

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