Bridge

nothing makes sense

the wind carries the moon in a golden white dance

the rocking voices

echo your name

regret burdens my heart, crucifies it in wonder

how will I bury this memory

when I come home

and there's a circular object hanging around the door

I thought about your last breaths choking

against it

as your light slipped away

fuck you

this is bullshit

and I don't even know you

or the others who slip away

every day

who turn themselves in

life is fleeting,

humble eyes

why did you rush it

your six children's lives

who carry on without a father

life meets us,

thousand lives

who plummet into the earth's eternal waters

who poison their lungs

who jump off the bridge

or window

of their despair

and plummet to and from their angst they think is freedom

I'll have you know

a half empty bottle of alcohol

is what they found

I'll have you know

that's what's been found in my room

time and time and time

again and again

and now

the furious creature stirs its crimson and smoky liquids

stirring in our organs our bodies and bones

not freeing us

desecrating us

surrogating us to another mother

who adores us in pain

who dreams of one day howling with our lives

in her throat

and from her mouth comes out

eternal bliss of the babes she sucked out dry

who never could see why they belonged

for you, I thought you would stay

you saved us, the many who felt this way

and now in death, I see why

every day was a practice of rising above her tricks

I've parted ways with her gall

this isn't my first time

the difference is now

I'll think of the half empty bottle

in your room

nearby where your body hang

and where my foreign tears to you fall

but the empty liquor bottles now sit in my recycling bin

ready to make something new out

of the mouth of this babe

who will not be sucked dry

who will remember

and be angry

and refuse its pain

it makes it worse

in moments we, the prey, are fun

over time it mixes up emotions

is that what happened to you?

what happened?

if I could meet you in a distant purgatory nightmare

where connection was available, perhaps a bridge

I would want to know

but your families, all of you, should always know first

their wonder is more than this

they say you are all free

but where are you?

are you anywhere at all?

are you ghosts saving us from committing the same?

are you the wind that swifts the locks of hair off my neck

when I walk under the stormy moonlight

and hear your words that hold my hope as strong

as laughter