Breaking Me Down

I sit alone in the dark with my coffee, pillow, and blankets.

Hiding away from the world around me.

I look out the window as the day passes by.

I would be out there too, if I could.

The sights, the sounds, the smells,

It's all too much for me to handle.

I used to be normal,

I used to hang out with friends.

One day it seemed they were all gone.

I was, I am...

Alone.

I try to make contact,

Try to make plans with someone,

Anyone.

Is it my fault they no longer talk to me?

Or is it theirs, that I stay home?

I can't go out to eat with you, I'm sorry.

but they don't understand.

All of the sounds around me, hit my in my core.

I want to scream,

I want to cry,

I want to fight,

I want to die.

They don't understand the way it makes me feel.

I can't go out to eat with you,

I'm sorry.

I can't go to the movies with you,

I'm sorry.

They don't understand.

Sometimes you don't have a choice,

Strangers are too close.

I hear them breathing by my ear,

Even over the loud booming of the theater speakers.

I feel them breathing,

I feel them eating their theater snacks,

I hear the chewing even louder.

I can't be this close to them.

I can't go to the movies with you,

I'm sorry.

I can't drive to your house to chill,

I'm sorry.

I can't hop in my car and go,

There are too many accidents on the road.

Slow drivers,

going under the limit, but I can't pass.

There are too many cars speeding by in the oncoming traffic,

I don't want to die.

I can't drive to your house to chill,

I'm sorry.

I want to work,

I want to be financily stable, be able to buy anything.

I can't

There are too many people,

too many sounds,

too many smells.

It's like everything and anything hits me in my core.

Everything makes me want to scream,

Want to cry,

Want to fight,

Want to die.

I am broken.