Breakfast Blues

It seems as though

It doesn't matter how hard I try

To better myself and move forward

I still spread my toxicity to all those who encounter me

Is my desire for development all just a lie?

Let me give you an example;

I once gave up on someone

Who was begging for a helping hand

Because it seemed too tiresome

And too bothersome.

I let her stay buried in the sand

She was drowning in,

- Just because I'm insecure and mad.

A couple of years later

I met a boy who jumped into my life

So willingly, aiding me to be greater.

He did nothing but try to

Live and smile by my side

But I pushed him away without explanation.

I did not care to see his worth

I guess I'm simply a sadistic traitor.

Now let me embark

On the most crucial event to date.

He showed me patience, growth, and love

Can you imagine someone being so great?

I couldn't for the longest time,

After all, my entire being felt like

It was made to resent

And rage against all the beautiful parts of life.

I had viewed myself as a broken doll

All dirty and stepped on

In the middle of an abandoned street.

But he picked me up,

Fed me,

Clothed me,

And stroked my hair when I needed

Somebody.

A year later; both of our identities

Concern one another

We fight sometimes, but our laughter

Fills the atmosphere more than

Any other.

Have you guessed already

That I poisoned him too?

I didn't mean to, I swear

I did not know how weak I was

Or what to do.

I should hardly be surprised, though,

My middle name is fool.

I wasn't planning on writing this today

Or on any other day

I'm stubborn and prideful

But all of this is powerless

Against the universe's fate.

J. Cole is by my side preaching

About something I obtained

This thing most people spend their lives

Searching for.

I'm alone now, the way it should be

I can't trust myself to behave

I can now see myself for what I am:

A monster who cannot be tamed.