Black Bird
'Damn, we're so distant now.'
Still highschool kids, that became best friends
with a past that we could never completely escape,
with a graveyard in my head.
At the moment the past isn't the concern,
its just a bother, I wanna burn.
We were so close, it was frightening to the bone.
I was afraid to trust you, I just
kept throwing out excuses.
I understand you're dating my friend,
but I can't even speak to her or you.
It's not because I'm jealous, my
conscience has been yelling
just walk, just run, don't engage.
I don't wanna cause problems.
I wanna tell you, I miss you but that would be a mistake.
I don't love you.
You've left an empty space
in my chest one that's slowly
trying to be filled.
You're my best friend we've
stated it so many times,
it could be documented.
We've become so distant, we hardly speak,
some ask me what's wrong,
while others say you guys are acting
so weird like you guys had some weird breakup.
It's funny they say that like you're the mad hatter
and I'm Alice running through rabbit holes.
Right now I need you the most.
I've said a lot if wrong, within saying
"It's none of your concern what's going on with me."
and even more words words I can't repeat.
I miss my best friend, we've become so distant,
it's like I have an empty space
and it freaking hurts like I've lost family.
I feel so alone, lost within my own head
that I don't understand what I'm feeling
myself or why I just wanna cry.
I wish someone could take these
broken wings of mine with these sunken
eyes.
I've become a black bird
slowly waiting for my moment
to arrive. The darkness has
become the silence
that keeps me warm inside.
You once made me promise
you'd always be there for me
but I caused you to break
that single wish of a broken
promise.
Now I wish everyone
would stop asking if I'm
okay or if I'm sad.
I don't understand why
I'm upset, so can I explain
something I don't
understand?
I'm not an angel but I have a good heart.
These army wounds
that are bruised can't
be erased or buried
because now they
live with me.
Like razor blades
in my heart, they don't
even spark blood
or even lighting jab.
I feel like I'm losing my best friend...
I feel like a burden saying
I need you the most...
because you know the real me.
I feel utterly lost, like I can't
speak my voice because I don't
wanna count on anyone
anymore.
I wanna stay alone were I can't be seen.
Maybe the darkness can keep me
hidden. So everyone says to pull myself together,
you'll be fine.
So tell me what the hell do you know,
how would you know what I'm feeling
inside like I'm drowning in water.
Because everyone's words won't be real
while everything is crashing, so
if you can't stand in my shoes...
you won't know how I feel.
I've been a survivor with
cuts on my arms, a disease in
my stomach and a mental illness
that can't be seen.
Maybe our friendship
is testing the weight
of time.
I just want my best friend back,
because when I first met you
I hated your guts.
I was another anti-social teen
like yourself, maybe that's why
we became so close.
You say I'm your truest friend,
and you trust me the most, that
you're dependable on me. I feel the
same but I don't believe in the words.
I need someone the most...
I need my mother because I can
no longer imagine her face.
I need my best friends.
I'm turning 17...Right now I just need someone to tell me everything
Its okay, I'll get better.
I just want someone to
hold me in their arms,
let my scars show, let these
midnight tears shed,
tell me they love me...
Because I just wanna
be able to trust
somebody.
I'm just a black bird
looking for someone
to trust, I need someone the most...
I need my mother because I can
no longer imagine her face.
I need my best friends.
I'm afraid to turn 17 because sometimes I feel I won't make it to 20.
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