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Black Bird

'Damn, we're so distant now.'

By Alexia VillanuevaPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Female Black bird, she is not the prettiest of garden birds, but her song makes up for her lack of colorful plumage..

Still highschool kids, that became best friends

with a past that we could never completely escape,

with a graveyard in my head.

At the moment the past isn't the concern,

its just a bother, I wanna burn.

We were so close, it was frightening to the bone.

I was afraid to trust you, I just

kept throwing out excuses.

I understand you're dating my friend,

but I can't even speak to her or you.

It's not because I'm jealous, my

conscience has been yelling

just walk, just run, don't engage.

I don't wanna cause problems.

I wanna tell you, I miss you but that would be a mistake.

I don't love you.

You've left an empty space

in my chest one that's slowly

trying to be filled.

You're my best friend we've

stated it so many times,

it could be documented.

We've become so distant, we hardly speak,

some ask me what's wrong,

while others say you guys are acting

so weird like you guys had some weird breakup.

It's funny they say that like you're the mad hatter

and I'm Alice running through rabbit holes.

Right now I need you the most.

I've said a lot if wrong, within saying

"It's none of your concern what's going on with me."

and even more words words I can't repeat.

I miss my best friend, we've become so distant,

it's like I have an empty space

and it freaking hurts like I've lost family.

I feel so alone, lost within my own head

that I don't understand what I'm feeling

myself or why I just wanna cry.

I wish someone could take these

broken wings of mine with these sunken

eyes.

I've become a black bird

slowly waiting for my moment

to arrive. The darkness has

become the silence

that keeps me warm inside.

You once made me promise

you'd always be there for me

but I caused you to break

that single wish of a broken

promise.

Now I wish everyone

would stop asking if I'm

okay or if I'm sad.

I don't understand why

I'm upset, so can I explain

something I don't

understand?

I'm not an angel but I have a good heart.

These army wounds

that are bruised can't

be erased or buried

because now they

live with me.

Like razor blades

in my heart, they don't

even spark blood

or even lighting jab.

I feel like I'm losing my best friend...

I feel like a burden saying

I need you the most...

because you know the real me.

I feel utterly lost, like I can't

speak my voice because I don't

wanna count on anyone

anymore.

I wanna stay alone were I can't be seen.

Maybe the darkness can keep me

hidden. So everyone says to pull myself together,

you'll be fine.

So tell me what the hell do you know,

how would you know what I'm feeling

inside like I'm drowning in water.

Because everyone's words won't be real

while everything is crashing, so

if you can't stand in my shoes...

you won't know how I feel.

I've been a survivor with

cuts on my arms, a disease in

my stomach and a mental illness

that can't be seen.

Maybe our friendship

is testing the weight

of time.

I just want my best friend back,

because when I first met you

I hated your guts.

I was another anti-social teen

like yourself, maybe that's why

we became so close.

You say I'm your truest friend,

and you trust me the most, that

you're dependable on me. I feel the

same but I don't believe in the words.

I need someone the most...

I need my mother because I can

no longer imagine her face.

I need my best friends.

I'm turning 17...Right now I just need someone to tell me everything

Its okay, I'll get better.

I just want someone to

hold me in their arms,

let my scars show, let these

midnight tears shed,

tell me they love me...

Because I just wanna

be able to trust

somebody.

I'm just a black bird

looking for someone

to trust, I need someone the most...

I need my mother because I can

no longer imagine her face.

I need my best friends.

I'm afraid to turn 17 because sometimes I feel I won't make it to 20.

sad poetry
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