Black and White Canvas

I believe the world is a canvas. I can paint it how I want, change the direction of flow, create details that makes it extraordinary. But the lack of paint brushes is what is stopping me. In another sense, I mean my mind. A high school graduation of a few months, currently enrolled in school, still living at home with no stressful responsibilities. Yet I feel sad. The world is mine right? I am young. I am perusing a path. But why am I sad? I cannot control the way the water will hit the paint every time. I cannot control my mind from thinking of a boy I love who is far away. I cannot control the canvas cracking from age. I cannot control how tired I am all the time. I cannot control the fact that I feel I cannot control anything. One makes choices but sometimes choices are made for you. Sometimes the blue will blend with red and make purple. Sometimes people leave to find themselves. Sometimes the brush gets to hard to use. Sometimes the world works against you. Sometimes, you are stuck in a place that is a black and white canvas. You want color, but sometimes it is not provided for you.