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Mixed Emotions

No love .....Just Pain. I thought i had a friend but i didn't. The pain of being forgotten, having to be the backup... the third wheel. I don't want to change my morals and beliefs. I don't want to be shutdown by the "LEADERS". I don't want to be among the helpless and betrayed, among the left out and stabbed.


The only word i know and hear "betrayed". My ears burn at the sound. Grasps every syllable. All the things i planned to do with her. Everything I dropped for her, she may never know but now it's over time to go 


Am i doing too much?! Am i dragging it? Why is this so important to me, Just why do i even bother loving her. I made all my plans accommodate her and her foolishness and now i realize she was never mine. She was shared among the whole team just at a higher status than I.


She could pull me down and bullshit me today, she could make blood stream from my eyes and create emotional pain and bring back the dark days. Do i cry? Nope, I stay Strong! I can't keep my thoughts together. The more i think the more i cry. All the trouble i went through for her. All the tears I've cried for her. 


Why? Why is it always me to come across these types of relationships? I question myself every day because of her. I think back to the days i never met her. Betrayal is all i experience in the midst of all this i still love her, mixed emotions is what i call this.

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