Being Okay With It

It hurts, but I’m okay with it.

I can’t be mad about it.

You can’t force someone to be in love with you.

Being best friends for six years and falling in love in the seventh,

Feels like a dream.

Staying in love approaching year ten feels unreal,

Like it is too good to be true.

Every kiss.

Year nine and a half was difficult for you,

But I felt like it was magic.

I felt the most in love I ever have been.

I thought maybe when we weren’t long distance anymore it would be better.

You and I would see each other all the time and keep our love going strong.

Every memory would stay pure, stay shining, stay happy.

My favorite songs would continue to remind me of you.

We would continue to be in love.

I felt you disconnect.

I felt you fall out of love.

I told myself it was paranoia,

That I was just scared to lose what I loved most.

I tried my hardest to feel your love again.

I pushed every kiss harder.

I reminded you of our love every day.

I really tried.

Conversations became too surface-level.

You became less passionate.

I became more broken.

When you finally told me,

I wasn’t surprised.

That didn’t make it hurt any less.

You held me in your arms and ensured me you still loved me but you weren’t

In love with me.

I so dearly wanted the feelings to be mutual.

I wanted it to be easy.

Why didn’t you just cheat on me to make it easier?

How long have you thought this?

Is there someone else?

What can I do better?

How can you love someone for so long

And then stop?

Day one of being broken up:

Our relationship was a dream,

Every single year.

I still don’t feel like it was real.

Will I ever?

I’m not mad at you for not being in love with me.

It hurts, but I’m okay with it.

I can’t make you stay in love with me.