Being Drunk

I can watch time pass in such a literal sense, you'd think I wasn't normal

Just like everybody else

I can feel their eyes pierce my presence, I can feel them looking with such pity, they'd drown in a sorrow that isn't theirs

Because in reality,

Caring Is just a human's way of satisfying themselves so they feel no guilt

I sometimes question whether or not I could ever feel comforted

Whether or not I could see what's over this cloud that's been standing in my way my whole life and if I'd ever find the courage to finally walk through it

The concept of hope has never been my strong suit, though

No, it's always dragged me down

I can't nor do I want to know what fate has in store for me, I wish I could reject life

I wish I could disappear without a trace, without anybody noticing, without that fear that I made yet another mistake

And yes, I know everybody gets tired of reading these depressing thoughts

but I get tired of feeling them

I feel so guilty

that I regret letting love into my life

I regret letting him get close enough to me to realize that I'm just a lost cause and he's stuck trying to give me a reason to try

And now he's trapped, probably waiting for a chance to get away

To escape me

I want to escape me

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble

Do I ever stop?

No I really don't

I've become so restless on the topic of purpose that I've convinced myself the Only purpose of life is death

and if that's the case

Then what is death waiting for?

Why am I still here?