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three years ago
every morning when I woke up
I wished I hadn't
every time my phone would go off
my heart dropped
because I was afraid it was you
I was afraid that I'd have to talk to you
or that I'd have to deal with you
and I couldn't drop you
I couldn't just cut you off
because you made me believe that "I needed you"
you actually made me think that I couldn't live without you
And there's no question about what you did to me
how you tore me down in every mental and emotional way possible
then reeled me back with your words of "love" telling me you meant none of it
the way you convinced me that I deserved you and the way you treated me
You abused me
maybe not physically but everything you did
you destroyed me and didn't even care
I couldn't take it anymore
and three year ago I realized
That captivating smile I was fell for
was nothing but a mirage
Those ocean eyes and the one who made it seem like I fell in love with a piece of heaven
was all a lie
It was all one big deceitful lie
You made my life a living hell that seemed inescapable
But I left
I finally left
But it's been three years
and I'm still damaged
Because of you
Because of you I don't believe it when he calls me beautiful
I don't want to believe that I'm "Amazing" or "Perfect"
because all I hear is you telling me every little thing that is wrong with me
And to this fucking day I am still recovering from all the shit you put me through
You destroyed me
You destroyed my self image
You destroyed me
It's all because of you that I struggle with myself so much
but also because of you
I know that I deserve better
and I know that someone better is capable of loving me and looking past every little thing that's wrong with me
It's all Because of You... Dillon.