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Because of You...

A Poem

three years ago 

every morning when I woke up 

I wished I hadn't 

every time my phone would go off 

my heart dropped 

because I was afraid it was you 

I was afraid that I'd have to talk to you

or that I'd have to deal with you 

and I couldn't drop you 

I couldn't just cut you off 

because you made me believe that "I needed you"

you actually made me think that I couldn't live without you 

And there's no question about what you did to me 

how you tore me down in every mental and emotional way possible 

then reeled me back with your words of "love" telling me you meant none of it 

the way you convinced me that I deserved you and the way you treated me 

You abused me 

maybe not physically but everything you  did 

was abuse 

you destroyed me and didn't even care 

I couldn't take it anymore 

and three year ago I realized 

That captivating smile I was fell for 

was nothing but a mirage

Those ocean eyes and the one who made it seem like I fell in love with a piece of heaven   

was all a lie 

It was all one big deceitful lie 

You made my life a living hell that seemed inescapable 

But I left 

I finally left 

But it's been three years 

and I'm still damaged

Because of you 

Because of you I don't believe it when he calls me beautiful 

I don't want to believe that I'm "Amazing" or "Perfect" 

because all I hear is you telling me every little thing that is wrong with me

And to this fucking day I am still recovering from all the shit you put me through

You destroyed me 

You destroyed my self image 

my confidence 

my trust 

You destroyed me 

It's all because of you that I struggle with myself so much

but also because of you

I know that I deserve better

and I know that someone better is capable of loving me and looking past every little thing that's wrong with me

It's all Because of You... Dillon.  

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Because of You...
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