Beauty in the Sadness

Poppin melatonin hopin I never have my eyes open

coastin' off low self esteem these waves of fear and doubt seem to have devoured my shore of rational thinking

death to me is the quotient

don't want to rest in peace just want the recipe to rest and cease this life

I don't own it eff the lease I will never get a piece of this pie just a far less than average guy believing lies I tell myself cause it's the only honesty that will ever rise in this life that ain't buttered up and coated with sweet delicacies

appearing perfect for you that watch cause a smile tells all and an Instagram post of a frown is far too unrealistic

people fear the downward emotions of others

they don't bother wanting to see you in pain cause they got their own and would much rather climb out themselves than to build a ladder with you

instead they let you drown in that sea of patron

suffocate in those clouds of cancer and kush

but you see I much rather put my mind to rest and say peace than to struggle my way to live with the deceased cause I'm truly walking around zombies

emotionless creatures who have tricked themselves thinking they got it right

I hate these fake smiles

I appreciate a genuine frown

I appreciate real depression

it gives me hope that we aren't losing our authenticity

it shows me we ain't just putting a show for people who could care less anyway

the same people who hate me bottling my emotions for 24.99 a pop want me to hide my emotions

Or better yet mask them with "everything is going to be all right"

"What's meant to be will"

these generic statements that just don't mean shit wake up

what's meant to be will? nothing's meant to be things just happen or they don't

Some you're not in control of and some you are

and damn it the misconception of events in your life, the reasoning behind the things that happen, the chain effect it has, the ripple, this is all the build up to why I rather have Jason cut my head off and cut the rest in pieces,

don't want anyone at my wake saying "he was good" "I loved him" "I cared" "I was there for him"

I don't want any fake grievances I don't want anyone sad

I want everyone to put on that fake smile that they tell me to put and see how well it fits

I want them to take their own advice

I want you all to see no amount of endorphins can turn tragedy upside down

I want them to see that death too can be beautiful