Be Proud

Are you proud of me now?

I'm perfect, I'm being a big girl.

I count numbers and worry of money.

I get my grades up and study and study.

Are you proud of me?

I keep hoping you'd look at me.

Look at me

I'm being the little girl you dreamed of,

obedient and peaceful.

I won't rebel against you,

Won't ask for anything.

Hey Dad,

Are you happy with me now?

I'm trying so hard for you to hear me out loud in my silence

You made a new family.

You have a child you prefer to hold and talk sweet to.

Look at what I've done,

I gave up the things you said you were useless.

No more music, no more art.

You were rarely there for me, yet I still stand here.

I want to make you proud. To hear that you're proud of me for once.

Your wife says things about me and alienates me, but I still try to follow.

I'm only 2 feet away from you but it feels like thousands of miles.

I can't scream,

I can't cry,

I can't argue.

Love me,

Love me,

You are such a stranger to me, yet it was always my responsibility to keep connection, but you were always busy,

I was always wrong or 'being inconsiderate'.

Hey Dad,

Would you love me if I was gone?

Would it have been better if I wasn't part of you?

You have a better family now, a better son.

You have a bigger house, a wife.

Maybe I was never meant to be your daughter,

Even though we share the same blood.

I was made out of a whim,

no love.

No cares.

Just recklessness and hatred.

I'm sorry Dad,

for the times I was mean,

for the times I was reckless,

the times I was inconsiderate.

I could've done better.

Although I know you'll never love me.

I love you Dad.