B U R N I N G B R I D G E

Walking a tightrope between

Wanting to stay and running away.

Those words held weight like a free falling piano.

Unaware of my surroundings until it was too late.

I claimed what was said had no affect.

But I lied.

I am a mess of smashed piano and shitty feelings.

Sometimes you have to face the music and it's hard to argue with facts.

Considering, what was said are thoughts

That already reside inside my head.

A master of underachieving.

It is difficult to put my all into something, when outcomes are so uncertain.

Afraid to try and end up flat on my face.

Failure takes a toll on the soul when so many breaths

Have already been wasted

On absolutely nothing.

Although failure is vital for growth.

Tide is turning crucial.

Either get my ass in gear and make a change

Or become another victim of circumstance.

Continue pushing people away.

Continue maintaining unsustainable relationships.

Continue burning bridges.

When I dwell deep, I resort to seclusion.

It seems unfair to pull others down

Into this bottomless pit that is my mind.

But seclusion breeds selfishness.

When I am in the room, pretend the floor is eggshells.

You don't want to say the wrong thing, do you?

This is very hard to admit,

Sometimes I do not realize

How my actions affect those around me.

This isn't like a natural disaster on television.

I don't get to see the aftermath of my damage.

I don't get to see the tidal wave of my shit attitude

Ripping through the homes of my peers.

I don't get to see how they are left stranded

When they are just trying to help.

Again I am here. Standing on another bridge.

Doused in gasoline with a match in my hand

Ready to let it go.

For some reason, it is easier to say fuck it all,

Than it is to fix mistakes.

I will start over. It is what I do.

Fuck stability. Stability is for chumps.

Why face problems head on when it's easier to

Find someone new to take pity on me?

Or,

I can swallow my pride and pull up my socks.

Face the consequences like a man and make amends.

Stop running away when things get tough.

Eventually everything I have been running from will catch up. Then what?

And if the only way I know how to deal with my problems is by burning bridge after bridge,

Then I might as well just give up now and lay in the cinders

Of the former bridges I have already reduced to ash.