Awake

I was wrong. The chance I thought I had wasn’t a chance. It wasn’t a mistake either. Just a lesson to be learned. I thought I had a chance to be fixed. To be loved like never before. I thought I had a guardian angel looking down at me, giving me what I’d been hoping for for so long. I was wrong. This chance was fun while it lasted. It felt good. I felt happy.

And I should’ve known. I do know. That chance was a lesson. A reminder. To never let my guard down. To never underestimate the willpower of someone with a goal. To be completely honest, I don’t know what the goal was. But I know I played some part in it. I was played. I was used to reach their desires. I helped them without knowing it.

And then I took the blame. I took the fault for everything that happened. And I don’t care. I don’t care that I’m taking the blame. But that’s not the point. That’s not the point of this revelation, so to speak.

The point I’m reiterating, to myself actually, is to stick with what I know. To keep what’s familiar. And I should’ve. I never should’ve let go. I was blinded by my chance. Or what I thought was my chance.

I let go of what was comfortable. I let go of my wolf. Yes, My Wolf. The one who made me feel like never before. The one who opened my eyes to another part of me. The one who made me understand what it was to be myself.

The beast I’d kept at bay. The beast I’d faced. The beast who trapped me in his arms and awakened me. He awakened the deepest parts of me. Lit a fire beneath them and made them roar in anticipation. The Beast that saw my demons and didn’t run in fear.

Instead, he bared his teeth and played with my demons. He pulled them out of hiding and let them be themselves. He set them free. He made them feel alive.

And that chance. That chance blinded me and made me abandon my wolf. I ignored the feelings in front of my face and locked my demons away. I played a part and forgot to be what I am.

I am Me. Demons and all. Identity alike. I miss my Wolf. I miss the Beast who bared his teeth and looked at me confused when I didn’t cower in terror. I lost him to another. I got distracted and I left my wolf. He drew back into his cage and put on a mask. My demons were locked away and I put on a different identity.

But… no longer. I’m releasing the Real Me. Demons and all. Everything that makes me who I am.

But also, I want My Wolf back.

And I fully intend on getting him back.