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Autumn dearest. You are drawing near. You are here in technicality. But I still have yet to fully feel you. I try every year to distinguish why I love you so. Is it the wind and chill in the air? Is it the smell of crisp leaves and brisk mornings? Is it the colors orange and gold and red gleaming in the sun? How do you make me feel what I feel and leave me in the unknown limbo of what to call it?
You come and go every year. Summer heat dies as do the leaves. The flowers begin to retreat. The sun shines but the early mornings and nights grow cool. When the wind picks up you can just feel that something is changing. It feels like the world stops and takes a deep breath. It relaxes and you hear a sigh among the clouds. The world slows and the leaves rustle beneath your feet. How do you do it? How does the death of one season feel so peaceful?
October comes and grows to a close. The chill picks up and pumpkins are everywhere. The leaves have deserted their trees and yet you stand there in awe. The colors shine brightly. They don’t seem real. Death is peaceful in the arms of Autumn.
I feel fuzzy inside when I think of Autumn. Leaves falling and snuggling in a cozy sweater or blanket. Being able to lay outside and stargaze with the layers of leaves under me. Bugs chirp and the night grows colder. I get giddy when I dream of the pumpkins I can carve with friends or the hay rides we can enjoy. The drives I will take down winding roads just to have the windows down and the chilled air flying around me.
I can’t explain it. Something about the way the world shifts. Leaves get old and change and they become brighter and beautiful. Autumn just seems to be this graceful fleeting moment in time before everything feels different. The world joins together and creates this symphony of wonder and amazement. All I can think about is how fall makes me want to fall and never get up. I feel like I’m spinning trying to forever grasp at something always out of reach and I’m addicted. It’s like it whispers to me, always keeping my on my toes. The nights get darker and stars shine brighter but I can’t look away. I want the feeling to last forever but then would I cherish it as much as I do?
How can I love something so dearly and not be able to do a thing about it? Loving so deeply it consumes my being and ignites a flame of saffron and russet begging to keep me close. I want to wrap myself up inside Autumn’s days and nights and moments in between. I never want to let go. But how can I describe this to those who don’t know?