Apologies

To whom it may concern there is a lot of things I can say to hurt you, there is a lot I could do for you to see the pain you left inside me but that is not what this is about, this is about something I thought I would never do, this is about me forgiving you.

I forgive you for all the apologies I am never going to receive, apologies are never an easy thing to give just for a sigh of relief.

I forgive you for all the anger you live with I know that is no life to live in. I forgive you for all the times you were not there when I needed you but you were never around, but don't worry about that stuff now.

I forgive you for all the times I felt like you hated me. for making me feel life the monster I feel like I became to be. I forgive you for listening to the words of angry people and not your heart.

I forgive you for all the names I got called and all the bad things said to my face and behind closed doors and I forgive you and myself for nor standing up for me more.

I forgive you for all the words left unspoken, all the promises broken. I forgive all the words we both can't take back, I also need forgiveness for that.

I forgive you but there are some apologies I need to give out too. I apologize for all the pain and hurt I have caused, never knowing the things you have lost.

I apologize for the lies i tell myself about my worth, for the past that i throw in my face that should stay underneath the dirt.

I apologize for all the battle scars and warrior marks you'll never see, I apologize for losing everything that was the embodiment of me.

Now these forgives and apologies I'll have to say a thousand times a day because I am still human at the end of the day and anger, hurt and depression are just a part of life but I forgive and say these apologies so it doesn't become my life.

So I sit here with forgiveness in my heart so hopefully one day I will be able to forgive the most unforgivable person and that is me

11-12-18