An Ode to February 2019

Maybe it was the way that you made me avoid her gaze

This month of Sandra Bullock movies and snow days

The trigger of the smile that once uplifted my soul

We watched Adam L. bare his body and voice to America

We ate Papa Johns prepaid and instinctively knew Brady would get it

This tumultuous season for startling news of degeneration

Peaking childhood memories, and holding on to the living Southern half

Claiming I am victory in church, and knowing that with God the blind see

The trip to Baltimore Museum of Art browsing Dega and Mark Bradford

Hope of love springing from the past, that waits until Sobs

I started off with Tumblr posts and Confession Emails to catch her eyes

To think that somehow she is watching my moves to see if I am fine

The blow is I accept that touch will never come, just a beautiful mirage

and the solace that will not come. It was triumphant when Mute-R Kelly

finally won for us. But then again...

February tore me up. She grabbed me by my shirt collar and stared

into my eyes with the breath of God. I got to start Bible app plans and

watch the Stars. I got to chat with ladies that speak Vietnamese and Arabic

while I served love of Wraps, and Chicken burgers with extra sauce

As I sweep those floors of dust and might, and wonder about my restless

nights.

I started the month honoring Langston Hughes for his birthday breaks

open Our month. Somewhere in between I got to watch Alicia's comeback.

I always come back to Mrs.Garza. I got to buy my Aura Spray and cleanse

with Labradorite. Pride Club, Queer community from Colorado to Guyana

how God has blessed me. To show me the world that my love wanted me

to see.

I got to hug my Dog after the Bath he hates. I got to feel his nails scratch

my knees as he greeted me. And the drive from PA to home listening to

Paramore and Kehlani. I wish I had a new Distraction, but I would rather

have the old. The one that promised me our Tahitian dream, and kisses.

I guess Nostalgia can happen to me at 22. I can think about how far I made

it from trips and falls in Middle School. I can think about how far I made

it from Nikki Giovanni and crowded restaurant with mom last year.

February the month for us. Blackness oozed from power to poundings of

spirit killers with Dr.'s in front of their names. As I walked alone, snow

dripping onto my short sandy hair cut from the branches. I know that my

steps are marked with my Ancestors.

February has reminded me of their energy in me. God told me to never

fear, my drive told me to persist, my teacher told me to Let Go and Move

on, my Counselor handed me tissues, my family taught me that we are not

a mere 28 days. We are going to fight this life and win!