An Iridescent Reminder to Myself

Lying in bed surrounded by a dim orange light that gleams brightly from the corner of my room. As I close my eyes, the radient colors still linger within the darkness of my mind.

All of a sudden, I'm reminded of you.

The iridescent glow sends shivers down my spine as the buried memories of our past emerge from the deepest part of my soul.

It brings backs the memory of two lovers resting after a long day. Lights turned off except for a small little lamp. The sound of our laughter echoing across the room, the feeling of warmth from being embraced by one another, and the sense of peace while being alone together.

It makes me remember the way your eyes wrinkled when you smiled. You were my interpretation of comfort. The feeling of home. You were my definition of belonging. Looking into your eyes, you made me feel like every moment was a happy ending to a real life fairytale. I was delusional and lost from reality; constantly dreaming of a perfect future built from us; the 'perfect team'.

It also recollects the nightmares I tried so hard to forget. Reminding me of the day you decided to push me away, the phone call that tore us apart, and the sudden wave of realization crashing down on my dreams. Were the burdens on my shoulders too much for you to handle or was I just not good enough for you in general? Either way, it all doesn't matter now.

I lie here alone without you. Left with all the memories, the pain, and the questions I'll never have an answer to.

But the more I look at it... maybe the light is not meant to remind me of you.

It's reminding me of myself.

The light and I are still in the same place... even without you. If you and I were meant to be, you would still be here with me.

Here I am, reminiscing the thoughts of you, when instead I should be thinking about me. Just like the light shining through the darkness, I, too, have not stopped living. Every moment without you, I will continue to shine.

It's time to move on from the memories of you. I must learn to let the light guide me to a new path away from the darkness of my past.

But for now, it's time to shut it off and finally go to bed.