Am I Living or Am I Dying?

Am I living or am I dying

With every ounce of happiness I force on myself

Am I living or am I dying

Trying so hard to do things most can do without help

Am I living or am I dying

My reality thoughts aren’t the good ones we’re taught

Am I living or am I dying

Every day when I have to drag myself out of bed to get up

Am I just breathing or am I thriving

When I do feel a little better

Am I just breathing or am I thriving

When I blame bad feelings on the weather

Am I just breathing or am I thriving

When motivation comes and goes

Because I’m not so sure anymore

Is the fight worth all this crying

When all I do is drown myself in wine

Is the fight worth all this crying

If we just work and watch our lives go by

Is the fight worth all this crying

Enough for me to stay here for my families fears

Is the fight worth all this crying

When you’re left with no tears

All I can think about is dying

Been on this earth for everyone but me

I get tired of lying

about all the possibilities

Of me actually spying

the truth in joy’s will

They just say

“If you stopped it all you’d never get that thrill”

Which is true but what they don’t realize is how powerful the darkness is ...all that it can do

You can be living, thriving, giving your all in the fighting

But it’ll come back to MAKE SURE you’re black & blue

It’ll rip and tear at the light

And in all honesty,

I’m not sure I have enough might

To keep on going despite

All the love that surrounds me

All the beauty that astounds me

The feelings those bring never last

Never lasting serotonin,

Ever-lasting ghosts from my past