All You Need Is You

Why do you chose, always, the hardest way?

The most difficult path?

Is it because you find it challenging?

In an alarming sense, it just all seems so maddening.

You have determined that you don't need me, don't want me.

I get it.

These decisions you have made about me, have slowly killed my self esteem.

I live most of my days now feeling almost nothing.

I pinch myself to make sure I am still alive.

I know that I am because I am still able to see.

Gradually I have become self loathing.

And because of how you disregard my primal needs, I hate myself.

Everyone likes to be needed.

Guess what?

Me too.

Everyone likes to be wanted.

Me too.

But I have come to realize you probably never will want me again.

Not like that.

Not like you used to.

The blood rushing, clothes ripping, mind boggling kind of want.

Fantasizing kind of need.

You know, what we used to feel.

What you now derive from women that you don't even know at all.

Don't you miss the familiarity?

Don't you miss the warmth?

You probably look at me and find it hard to believe that at one time we had that.

But we did, you know we did.

Believe that, it is the truth.

We had the unconditional love I now only read about.

The unconditional love that now I hear others brag about.

Why is it so much easier for you to go, day by day, feeding your big ego, while taking away my little, tiny sense of pride that I draw from our daily grind?

Don't you want to see me happy?

Don't you want to see me proud?

Proud of my accomplishments, proud of myself and what I can do?

Proud of you?

Instead, the day leaves me with absolute emptiness.

When you neglect my need to feel needed it makes me feel useless, not good enough.

Although, I probably should have known that I never would be good enough.

That I never could be good enough.

Honestly, because you really don't want me to be.

You don't want it to be me.

After the fact, once in a while, you toss me a bone.

Ask me for a screwdriver that's simply feet from your reach.

Ask me to make you a sandwich, only to mock smile upon receipt.

For these, I thank you, my spirit thanks you.

But my soul is wiser.

So where does that exactly leave me?

Everyday I face the battle of begging for you to let me in.

Begging you to let me help you somehow doing something somewhere for you.

How did everything get so twisted up that all our focus has come to fall upon you?

See, my world has become you, all I need is you.

In the beginning, so many years ago, I thought you made me your world.

And maybe, just maybe, for a moment you did.

But now I have come to realize, that in reality, you don't need anyone else but you.

I hate to tell you this, but in a few years, you will live to regret the choices you are making now.

Time will pass and one day you will realize how lonely life is for one.

You will come to really need someone to fill the voids and gaps that we, as humans harbor.

Anyone will do then.

You will plow through so many you won't remember their names.

You will run so fast and fail to enjoy just one taste.

Time to time, I do believe that you will remember me.

I believe that you will remember exactly the way I taste.

I am forever in your heart.

And I will be forever on your lips.

I am your true love.

But, in desperation, you will search.

And in vain you will search for her, but you will never find her, only to substitute me.

Meanwhile, years prior, the only one that really cared for you- you pushed aside.

(Well, there had to be enough room for you.)

Do you know that by not needing me you trample upon my soul?

Do you know that not wanting me you dampen my spirit?

This combined demeans my self worth, kills my self esteem.

And at the end of the day, when you look back at the days details, was it worth all that is me?

I hear people that care about each other help each other.

People that love each other build each other up.

Allowing each person to be themselves.

Allowing self growth and self fulfillment.

It's okay to love someone, instilling your values.

It's okay to try to teach someone your ways, but brain washing or being close minded is inappropriate.

Do you prefer a zombie or someone that just mimics you?

Do you really prefer someone with no opinions?

No voice?

Someone with no wants, no dreams?

Once you take something and shake out all its contents, what's left?

Nothing.

Maybe what you want now is nothing and this is how you show me that you are done trying.

Maybe without telling me so, treating me like nothing is the way to make me go.

Or you think so.

Years will pass and you will thrive, this I'm sure.

You've stomped down this path so often they named the road after you.

Oh boy, that fed your ego even more, if that was even possible.

So there you will be in your castle for one, built by your two hands.

Built on your land with materials that you, and you alone, were able to create.

A castle built to your likings, built to your specifications.

Made in accordance with your desires, according to your dreams.

Made to satisfy the king.

All placed on your hill, on your road, in your town.

You.

This will satisfy you to no end.

But only for a while.

You will find that it doesn't provide for you the comfort or the deep completion we as humans need.

Need.

And you will search again and again to find your queen.

You will search to find what we first had when our love was enough.

When I was enough.

But, you see, you only find real true love once.

You can't be too self contained that you are blind to it.

God only grants it once, if you are lucky.

Lucky enough to find it.

Lucky enough to see it for what it is; that it is true love.

While you may certainly love again, all you will be doing is replacing me.

And it pains me to no end, knowing that you won't find it again, no matter how hard you try.

No matter how hard you look.

And no matter if I tell you this now or then, you still won't hear me.

Even if I were to scream it from the top of a building.

It still won't penetrate.

And with a heart of gold and a tear in my eye, I have to let you go down that road.

The road you paved without me, even when I stood by your side.

I have to watch you go down the road of life you paved alone.