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Ah, but of Course...

A Poem

Click ☝️😘 to listen to "RastaMan Vibration" by BobMarley

and follow @Find_inure_me

Ah, but of course I bet you thought I'd be the one following the trail of your shadow forever looking for your light, hidden in my dark...

But I'm learning ...

Every time I fall and scrape my knees

Every time my heartstrings snap and the organ bleeds

I'm instantly cognisant of my place in your kaleidoscopically complex world, humbled by the realization of my inferiority in your eyes.

To you, it seems I don't empathise, but I can assure you, I sympathize with your lack of ability to illustrate love, or appreciation, for the admiration I shower you with, and remember, I was there wiping tears from your eyes, when you spoke about the pain of your past and what went down then.

Opened up to me, and asked me to promise you I wouldn't hurt you like them...

Be your valiant black knight in shining white armour slaying giants and dragons setting myself ablaze for you while I was the damsel in distress.

Looking for a hero forever on a different quest, even with my efforts to do my best...

Will it ever be enough for you?

Will the past stop penetrating like a plague

Putrifying all the positivity it touches forever oozing its sickness into your wounds infecting your essence making me view you in a less positive light, like someone leading me, playing me,  strumming on my vulnerability like some proverbial harp or using my affection as way to fill up the emotional potholes, while taking bricks from my path and stones from my life,

and I stay...

Because, in some naive way, I believe you aren't the insensitive monster and soulless human being you unknowingly portray.

So let the chips fall where they Frito Lay and give me some delicious dip without the bowl.

I'm not feeling this party or the music I can't even find my soul. 
Because I don't think this is my jam.
Not my hors-d'oeuvres.

Plus the constant waiting and hoping for a good song is getting on my nerves.

Times an expensive currency and I've spent a lifetime on you and not even one second on me, its true.

So I could beg, cry, sob or scream at the end of the day if you're not in love, then what does it mean?

Why continue the rouse and Gepetto my strings and Pinnochio my blues?

While I sit here hoping one day you might share my views, my world or my heart.

Constantly tearing me apart.

I'm finally awake now sweetie, seeing more than clearly, and I have good news!

I'll make it easy, as to leave no drops of blood on your hands, and not a single bruise.

I'll cut the heartstrings and bury the body in the sands no headstone, no priest, no mourners no grave no if's, but's or and's

No lost broken girls with daddy issues to save no more late night romps and clandestine trysts, parties or raves.

No more pill popping, wrist cutting scares to ER.

No more questioning my worth or what we are.

No more random, randiness, or afternoon delights.

No more getting entangled in emotional stuff.

No more looking for diamonds in coal or rough.

No more spending my days and my nights alone.

No more missed plans without a text or phone.

No looking for something that isn't there.

No wondering why you won't show that you care.

Or grasping at emotional straws, and onesided coins of an overpaid love.

Just keeping it real and grasping at the tangible, feasible, facts and telling you how I feel.

Articulating with the utmost tact.

That I'm going my way...

And I'm not looking back.


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