I am a beautiful catastrophe, a walking disaster that no one can look away from. People staring in horror and intrigue, as I attempt to find the purpose to the hurt and the pain.
I have walked away from that life, put on a smile every day and built up a safe world around me. I am no longer putting myself out there, so I cannot succeed, but I also cannot fail. I cannot be rejected once more. My life is stagnant, nonexistent, like the air on the moon. Unchanging, giving no room for others.
I have built this life up and I finally feel safe, the mundane aspect of my domesticated life has become somewhat enjoyable, as there are never any surprises.
I've spent my life searching for greatness, within myself and the world. I have found the only happiness is when I become average. but... it only took a moment.
One moment for everything I've spent the last six months building and forgetting to come crashing onto me.
I've perfected my faces and expressions, pushed my scattered thoughts aside, moving slowly and paced through life.
I've learned to channel the hatred I have for myself to the world around me, finding issue in every person and idea.
Please release me from this darkness that has begun to consume me again. With every breath, cut, puff, I am closer to the death of my mind... and I love it.
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