A Weighty Matter: Seventeen

seventeen

a significant measure of years,but when it's in stone,

a curse

let's run the numbers:

twenty-fourteenheight five foot fiveage twenty-threeand weight two hundred and thirty-three pounds

the price I paid for pain

a teenage girlautism undiagnosedwho ate to ease the pressureand the weight piled onI drowned

in spoons of sweet for the soul

time passed and I grewadulthoodand graduationbearing the stigma of size

fat was the cross I was nailed to by your eyes

to sit in a seatand overflow to my neighbour;struggleto find clothesthat fit my frame without striping skinwith the scars of seams;and claw at flesh like clayto seeif my belly can relocateor tear away

my body was my enemy

"eat less and do more," they saidand "it's easy""fat people are lazy and gross"and I drank it downa spiced wine burninga hemlock truth that left me hollow

so what changed?

you may speak ill of Tumblrbut thereI found salvation:body positive#30DaysOfFatSelfiesand learning a new truth

that I glow with dying stardust

in the chambers of my heartflows an everlasting songbeautyof the souland of the fleshis mine and always has beenand I learn to love myselfhow to growand how to change

and I lost weight

now here we are:three years have passedand here we standin this year: twenty-

seventeen