A Rose and Her Wish

I feel alone in this world sometimes. I feel as though I have to hug myself and I feel like everyone I get close to I hurt. I'm like a rose covered with thorns, so beautiful and so captivating. So anyone who gets too close will always get hurt no matter how hard they fight it. In the end, they will always get hurt. Whether it's a light poke or scratch or it's a hand full of bloody thorns. I never mean to hurt anyone but for some reason it just always seems to happen that way. Sometimes I wish I could be like the other roses...beautiful with no imperfections. I wish I could be perfect enough not to hurt anyone and I wish that I could fix myself so that I didn't hurt anyone. I wish I could go back and help all the people I hurt, but there's no good in wishing or hoping. It always gets me hurt. Someone tried to take my thorns off before...I have scars from that pain and suffering. It wasn't fair and it isn't my fault that I have thorns. But like I said nothing good ever comes from wishing. It never gets anyone anywhere. It's all pointless bullshit that gets put in your head when you're little. I've learned to stop wishing. Even when I say "Sometimes I wish..." deep down I know that it is all pointless and I laugh at my stupidity. I have also learned that nobody will ever truly pity you or your sadness, so it's best to just toughen up. So let's face it: I'll always have these thorns and I'll always hurt those who get close to me in one way or another and I'm sorry to those that I have hurt, and to those who do wish to get close to me, I apologize in advance. So if in the future you wish to try to stay and help "fix" me or remove my thorns then I hope you are ready to bleed. Because that's just what happens. I don't mean it, but like I said it just happens. I wasn't properly cared for while I was growing up. At least that's what I've been told and that's why I have so many thorns. I've never met anyone with as many thorns as me. I've never met anyone who helped me grow in the way that I've needed without trying to take off my thorns. They've seen my scars and heard my stories but nobody ever loves me AND my thorns. Maybe they aren't truly prepared or maybe I should be cut from my bush and left to die so that another, more beautiful and perfect rose can take my place in the garden and help heal all of those that I have hurt. Something I've learned about myself is that I wouldn't mind dying or that it would be better if I wasn't here anymore. But I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. Oh well, I guess I'm just destined to live this life and maybe one day I'll be perfect for someone...maybe they'll find a way to accept my thorns or help me take them off without pain, but until then I will remain hidden in this garden, an ugly rose among the beautiful ones. Living my life until I die and am forgotten and another takes my place and makes everyone happy in a way that I could not. Some may tell me that I won't be forgotten or that they'll never forget me, but truthfully I want to be forgotten...I don't want anyone to remember me and the monster that I was and am. And that's just the way I honestly feel...just know I left with an apology and love in my heart still left to give...but please when I die I want to be forgotten...that is my one and only honest wish...