A Puff of Smoke

I exhaled a plume of smoke

Toward the pale, empty sky

I didn't know then

What anguish awaited me

It was cold outside

Too cold for March

Snow piled up

Not pure, powdery snow

That sparkles and shimmers

Like a silent mirage

This snow was different

Ugly, muddy, grey

Cold and indifferent

It seemed to match

The colourless sky

I continued to pull

Painful smoke into my lungs

Shakily

Anxiety was overtaking me

I didn't know why

But now, in hindsight

I knew

My spirit knew

My heart knew

We all saw it coming

But didn't want to admit

I saw you there when I arrived

Cold and unresponsive

Your hands were always so warm

Now they were like ice

I tried to warm them

As you had warmed mine

When I was small

Your face was blank

White and colourless

Just like the pale, empty sky outside

The room was small, stifling

Machines beeped

Keeping you alive

I could almost see

Death, himself

Hovering over you

Waiting patiently

Gently, almost lovingly

To guide you on

To the next life

Away from me

I had to get out

Snow piled up

On the retaining wall

Around the smoking area

I dragged more smoke

Into my lungs

The same smoke

That was killing you

At that very moment

I cried

The tears nearly freezing to my face

When they hit the open air

I couldn't stop inhaling

That killing smoke

That murderous tar

Part of me wanted to go with you

And part of me did

My childhood

Was lowered into the grave beside you

What remained of my innocence

Was killed in a puff of smoke

As I watched my father die